by Maxel Toft

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released January 1, 1999


all rights reserved



Maxel Toft Wisconsin

Welcome, friends.
Here are some pieces written and recorded at various times.
Thank you for having me over.
We should do it again sometime.

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Track Name: The Clarence Show / Makes Sense / Pirate Garrghl
The Stage is finally set
And the actor takes his cue
The curtain begins to rise
As the band strikes a tune
The audience claps
Babies take naps
Children cover their ears
Men dry their tears
Women romance
Teenagers dance
They all sing along
As I play the opening song

I can see thunder pounding
I can hear the sky turn black
I can smell all of the raindrops
Crashing down upon my back

I can feel your scent
Swimming through each drop
As they land upon my skin
Covering me with spots

I'm in love with a pirate girl
I'm in love with the pirate girl
I know she has scurvy but it's really not that bad
She'll make you walk the plank if you ever make her mad
She looks so sexy with her eye patch on
Skull and bones cap and a hook that screws on
I don't care if her parrot won't be quiet
I'm in love with a wooden legged pirate
Track Name: The H. P. And The C. D.
I'll have an onion ring for you
Hopefully you'll say I do
As husband and wife
We'll mate for life
And you'll get to kiss the groom

Then we'll cut the wedding cake
You'll stuff some in my face
Then the real groom and bride
Will push us aside
And do more of the same

I don't think the bride will care
When you throw her bouquet in the air
We'll drink lots of wine
Write Just Married on a sign
And get rice in our hair

While the groom is at the bar
We'll tie some cans to his car
Then a motel with low rates
Is where we'll consecrate
This marriage of ours

The next week doesn't go so well
You'll tell me to go to hell
It won't be the same
After the Newlywed Game
You'll file for divorce when I'm sent back to jail
Track Name: Wash
In a few ticks off the laundry mat clock
And I'll be ready to make my mouth talk
A dollar in quarters will get your wash done
But please don't overload this one

On the walk back home they're soiled again
Faded torn and wearing thin
No need to worry because they just cover up
The beautiful truth of your naked butt

Everyone in their birthday suit, hooray it's your birthday
Track Name: Here's Lookin' At You
Look at that guy with the long face messy hair and squinty eyes
He has something in his nose crusty lips and teeth of an enormous size
There are pimples on his face and orange stuff in his ear
Oh I must say that there is nothing better than to sit and stare at a mirror
Track Name: Gonna Blues
Gonna die with a smile on my face...
Lord, sweet jesus great god damn
Gonna die sometime
I can't wait to leave this place...
Lord, sweet jesus great god damn
Gonna die with a smile on my face
The next world's gonna be worse...
Lord, sweet jesus great god damn
But I can't wait to leave this place
My savior's gonna be sad...
Lord, sweet jesus great god damn
'Cause the next world's gonna be worse
I'm going straight to hell...
Lord, sweet jesus great god damn
And my savior's gonna be sad
I'm gonna kick ol' satan in the ass...
Lord, sweet jesus great god damn
'Cause I'm going straight to hell
My mamma's gonna weep and morn...
Lord, sweet jesus great god damn
'Cause I'm gonna kick satans ass
Track Name: Loveletters / Longdistance
Did I forget to tell you
That I regret the night we met
Because I set my mind
On a girl I'll never get
And yet I bet
If you let yourself fall
I will be your net
Because my heart
Is in debt
To the time that we made love
On the Internet

I tried to call you last night on my tin can telephone
Maybe yours was busy off the hook or you weren't home
I cut off the lid poured out the beans and attached a string
I tried to get a dial tone, dial your number, make it ring
I yelled at it for hours, operator, operator!
But I didn't get an answer so I decided I'd call later
Track Name: Gettin' Old
My face is falling off
My nose already pealed
My skin is sliding down
Soon my bones will be revealed
My eyes have wandered off
It's hard to see a thing
There goes my second ear
Now I can hardly hear me sing
My cheeks are caving in
My skull is being unwrapped
Now my nose is running
And my lips are getting chapped
At least I have my hair
That's one thing I didn't loose
Wait, nope, there it goes
And I just bought new shampoo
Now the world may observe
What was formerly beneath
Just as long as I don't loose my lips
Because I forgot to brush my teeth
As for my facial features
They all will be greatly missed
And as for my little grandson
Come give your grandpa a kiss
Track Name: Weather Report
Hey how do you like this weather?
Just put your hands together
For the director of this show
Let's give Him a standing "O"
Track Name: Double-Negative Love
Don't go telling no one
I don't know not where to begin
I ain't going to not love you again

I don't need no more of your love
There ain't no way for me to treat you right
This can't be no way for our love to take flight