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by Maxel Toft

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The Stage is finally set And the actor takes his cue The curtain begins to rise As the band strikes a tune The audience claps Babies take naps Children cover their ears Men dry their tears Women romance Teenagers dance They all sing along As I play the opening song I can see thunder pounding I can hear the sky turn black I can smell all of the raindrops Crashing down upon my back I can feel your scent Swimming through each drop As they land upon my skin Covering me with spots I'm in love with a pirate girl I'm in love with the pirate girl I know she has scurvy but it's really not that bad She'll make you walk the plank if you ever make her mad She looks so sexy with her eye patch on Skull and bones cap and a hook that screws on I don't care if her parrot won't be quiet I'm in love with a wooden legged pirate
I'll have an onion ring for you Hopefully you'll say I do As husband and wife We'll mate for life And you'll get to kiss the groom Then we'll cut the wedding cake You'll stuff some in my face Then the real groom and bride Will push us aside And do more of the same I don't think the bride will care When you throw her bouquet in the air We'll drink lots of wine Write Just Married on a sign And get rice in our hair While the groom is at the bar We'll tie some cans to his car Then a motel with low rates Is where we'll consecrate This marriage of ours The next week doesn't go so well You'll tell me to go to hell It won't be the same After the Newlywed Game You'll file for divorce when I'm sent back to jail
Wash 02:09
In a few ticks off the laundry mat clock And I'll be ready to make my mouth talk A dollar in quarters will get your wash done But please don't overload this one On the walk back home they're soiled again Faded torn and wearing thin No need to worry because they just cover up The beautiful truth of your naked butt Everyone in their birthday suit, hooray it's your birthday
Look at that guy with the long face messy hair and squinty eyes He has something in his nose crusty lips and teeth of an enormous size There are pimples on his face and orange stuff in his ear Oh I must say that there is nothing better than to sit and stare at a mirror
Gonna Blues 03:52
Gonna die with a smile on my face... Lord, sweet jesus great god damn Gonna die sometime I can't wait to leave this place... Lord, sweet jesus great god damn Gonna die with a smile on my face The next world's gonna be worse... Lord, sweet jesus great god damn But I can't wait to leave this place My savior's gonna be sad... Lord, sweet jesus great god damn 'Cause the next world's gonna be worse I'm going straight to hell... Lord, sweet jesus great god damn And my savior's gonna be sad I'm gonna kick ol' satan in the ass... Lord, sweet jesus great god damn 'Cause I'm going straight to hell My mamma's gonna weep and morn... Lord, sweet jesus great god damn 'Cause I'm gonna kick satans ass
Did I forget to tell you That I regret the night we met Because I set my mind On a girl I'll never get And yet I bet If you let yourself fall I will be your net Because my heart Is in debt To the time that we made love On the Internet I tried to call you last night on my tin can telephone Maybe yours was busy off the hook or you weren't home I cut off the lid poured out the beans and attached a string I tried to get a dial tone, dial your number, make it ring I yelled at it for hours, operator, operator! But I didn't get an answer so I decided I'd call later
Gettin' Old 02:42
My face is falling off My nose already pealed My skin is sliding down Soon my bones will be revealed My eyes have wandered off It's hard to see a thing There goes my second ear Now I can hardly hear me sing My cheeks are caving in My skull is being unwrapped Now my nose is running And my lips are getting chapped At least I have my hair That's one thing I didn't loose Wait, nope, there it goes And I just bought new shampoo Now the world may observe What was formerly beneath Just as long as I don't loose my lips Because I forgot to brush my teeth As for my facial features They all will be greatly missed And as for my little grandson Come give your grandpa a kiss
Hey how do you like this weather? Just put your hands together For the director of this show Let's give Him a standing "O"
Don't go telling no one I don't know not where to begin I ain't going to not love you again I don't need no more of your love There ain't no way for me to treat you right This can't be no way for our love to take flight


released January 1, 1999


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Maxel Toft Wisconsin

Welcome, friends.
This project is a demo tape of sketches.
Thank you for having me over.
We should do it again sometime.

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