Yes we need your help
Thank you for offering
We appreciate your help
But first we need you to
Read this disclosure
At your leisure
For your protection
Initial each section
Sign your "X" on the dotted line
The white copy's yours, the pink and yellow copies are mine

Yes we need your help
Thank you for offering
We appreciate your help
But first I thank you for your patience
Now we'll need some proof of residence
Social Security and picture ID
Birth Certificate and family tree
A written and an oral and a physical examining
The medical history of your extended family

Yes we need your help
Thank you for offering
We appreciate your help
But first please fill out the Scantron with a number two pencil
Included with a phone or utility bill
At least two years of tax statements
All the receipts from last years payments
You'll need to authorize a credit report
And get a certified notary to verify your passport

Yes we need your help
Thank you for offering
We appreciate your help
But first we'll need a list of all your references
And all your dietary preferences
Go next door and stand in line
Pee in a cup and cough three times
Cover one eye and skip to my Lou
Sing the National Anthem backwards to In a Sentimental Mood

And if this is your first time
I'll need a parent/guardian cosign

Yes we need your help
Thank you for offering
We appreciate your help